Fatman burglary attempt

It seems that with all of the holiday craziness going on that people are going crazy about... Well, yeah, they're going crazy. Everybody is having the urge to dress up in a santaman suit and break into people's houses.

One fat guy dressed up as Santaman and tried to go down a chimney to steal stuff from a house. He got on the roof and waited two hours to go down at exactly midnight. He went down the wrong way and there was a fire in the fireplace, and he died of inhaling to much fire all over his body.

Another attempt was made when a fatman tried to put a horse on a roof so the roof would fall in. The santamansuit was just a small part of the plan. Unfortunately, the roof collapsed as the fatman had hoped, but it landed on the fatman who had gotten bored of waiting for the roof to collapse and went inside to get a drink.

Last night a fatman dressed up as a santaman and successfully went down the chimney. Unfortunately, it wasn't the right day to do this, so he decided to leave and turn himself in.

Sandwich shop burned down

Everyone's favorite place to get a crappy sandwich no longer exists. The Happy Sandwiches building, owned and mainted by a very happy robot, has much to be unhappy about, although he is still smiling. The sandwich shop was burned down when the oven decided to play with some matches.

Some residents who liked to eat there were very dissapointed, but they fortunately have been paid to eat at Mikey's Mutated Meat for the rest of their lives. Some declined the offer and offered to help the very happy robot rebuild. The happy robot happily said "No way in heck."

Some robots did not like to speak of what had happened today. Some like waffles. A Sumo Wrestler (Who happens to be a friend of mine) who stocked up on his "gut-fillers" here, had a few words to say about the resturaunt. "This place did have great sandwiches. I'm not saying that I burned it down, but I'm really hungry."

Chicken Theif Still at Large

As reported earlier, some evil people have been stealing chickens away from their houses. They steal nothing else from the chicken's house in order to make it seem that they did not steal the chicken, however, they did indeed steal the chicken. It's just true.

Just under an hour ago, a car ran completely over a chicken's house, which was located about 100 feet from the road the driver should have been driving on. Authorities say that this was likely done on purpose, however, the people driving the car said "We were coming... home with these chickens, and... Uh... We kinda... Well, we, uh... You see it? Yes. Yeah. That's what we did."

Please keep your chickens locked up in a box too small for a chicken, because the chicken theives have not yet been spotted and are still at large. A local robot said he saw a car driving away with his chicken and believes it was a black car, which narrows it down a whole lot. We still don't know.

Police fire on Holiday Shoppers

Wallpaper-Mart is having it's 757th annual great deal-o-thon. This means great deals. Many shoppers have found great deals on things such as fuzzy slippers, Suspiciously Convenient microwaveable items, small jugs of root beer juice, Derrik's Non-Delivered Donuts, Oversized wrenches and lemon scented flu particles. Policemen want donuts.

These things do sell out quickly. (I lucked out on an oversized screwdriver) As the police went on an important call to the Paper-Mart, they had this in mind. Somebody, they would soon realize, had taken the last box of donuts.

The police suddenly oppened fire on any robot that happened to be taking advantage of these ridiculous prices, without reason. Very soon after, however, the policemen brought themselves to justice and brought themselves to the Robotside jail. Few casualties were found, many were injured.

Don't forget about Wallpaper-Mart's useless junk! ON SALE NOW!

Neighborhood Chicken Theif

It seems that some people in this town cannot stop themselves from the fun of doing cruel things to chickens. Now, instead of stealing the chicken's prized possessions, people seem to enjoy stealing the chickens themselves. It's freaking hillarious!

The townspeople on the "coutryside" of Robotside are going crazy and we couldn't find a quote good enough or legal enough to put on this site. The Robotsideans of the countryside (Whatever that's supposed to mean) cannot put up with the chicken stealing. We can. We're civilized. We get a picture of where a chicken once stood.

The "Good TIMES" are back!

Your best newspaper's company has recovered from a freak tennis-style lawnmower incident, and it's back! You will see more good times (But mostly bad times) of your favorite city of Robotside very soon! Thanks for your reading of this! (All none of you)

Newspaper writers revolt

The low cost of newspapers has made reporters get payed much less. For a strange reason this makes me want to beat something into oblivion. The reporters at The Robotside Times and from several other newspaper companies have began to revolt against writing their newspapers.

"I never really," said TRT reporter Mikey Robot, "got payed at all." some other quotes, such as "Don't talk to me, freak." and "I don't do that newspaper thing before. Sorry." explain the anger in these reporters. Er, of these reporters. You get it.

I'll be reporting my butt off for the rest of my short life!

A true reporter, signed Mikey.

Robot accidently drops a car

The citizens of Robotside watched in fear as a man in a portable crane picked up the mayor's car (We still don't know who that mayor is) and picked it up 40 feet in the air, approximately. Then he accidently drove down to the bay which was a few miles off of where he had taken the car from, and accidently dropped it in the water.

That's enough to piss a mayor off, but the mayor did not show his face. He did report to his lawyer that the robot who stole his car "...did a great job... ...stealing my car... ...from... ...the bay."

The mayor, according to this combination of quotes, obviously did not understand what had happened. This means he could be unstable as our mayor. The cranedriver, who wasn't done doing his duty, grabbed the mayor's house with the mayor and several of his associates inside, and did them justice (Dropped em' in the lake.).

Helicopter crashes into 1-story building

A helicopter pilot named... uh... Bob, perhaps? Bob Jones? Smith? Fladderstanineer? Anyway, he flew his helicopter into the smallest building ever built in Robotside. Or maybe it isn't. Or maybe it is. Or not. Or maybe.

"I swear I didn't do it!" Said Fladderstanineer, who obviously had done it. "Oh, wait a minute. I swear I didn't mean to do it!" Said Fladderstanineer, who obviously meant to do it. "I HATE YOU ALL!" Said myself, which is true.

Nobody is pressing charges because Nobody owned the house. We will probably not be updating this again, so I'm just gonna have to guess that Nobody is gonna get alot of money. You heard my opinion here first!

Some nobody broke his foot

While the CIA was busy testing their footbreaker, they put out a sign to warn the innocent bystanders. Someone became suspicious and had to find out what was going on. Once in the area with the CIA, the bystander became no longer innocent. The footbreaker had worked.

"These things happen, ya know?" said the Secret Dude of the CIA. "It's never happened before, but I know it does happen... Sometimes. As long as they can't sue us. It's not like they can, though. I mean really. It's not gonna happen. The bystander wasn't innocent no more."

Stolen Police cars found

Some time ago a trash can and some police cars were stolen form a local police office/department/thingy. As the detectives or whatever you wanna call em' decided it was best to not do their work, me and my buddy Paul decided to return our stolen vehicles.

The newspeople were very happy and the Policemen were below content because they had lost their trash can which had a secret stash of doughnuts which this reporter says was "very delish". No further information as to if I will return the trash can or barf up some doughnuts.

Semi truck accident due to Turkeys

As Iym Dehd was racing to get to the grocery store on time in a semi truck for a reason not explained, a giant foot tall turkey ran right in front of him. As the driver turned, the trailer of the semi broke free and tumbled straight into the Blinternational Blank of Blutter, destroying everything that produced the best Blint'n Blutter we've ever tasted.

Nobody was hurt, only the members of the Blank were all brutally killed and torn to pieces all over the countryside. The truck driver also shot himself afterward. And the turkey did a rain dance until he was hit by a speeding sedan.

Still no reports of any injuries.

Warehouse burns down on the city limits!

So therefore we don't really care.

Eggs on a Wall

Some guy wrote 'Eggs' on a garage door, and another garage door that we don't care about, but we do care about this door. If anyone knows about this door or why I care about it, then please don't tell me it's mine because I don't want to know.

Deadly highway incident

On Highway 15,019,007 a deadly unaccidental incident occured only a few minutes ago (aka a half an hour) and has once again made the citizens of Robotside worried for the poor defenseless and unimportant lives.

A driver was moving at the normal speed of about 110-120 MPH when the rear bumper of the semi truck in front of him came off and shredded the front tires of the driver's car. As the car swereved out of control straight into the other lane, a Space Shuttle crashed on the highway and killed at least 50 robots.

But then, about 100 more drivers could not stop and crashed straight into the shuttle, including the backup drummer for Vitamin Z, Shutyah Uglifayce. One survivor believed that "He hadn't never seen a space shuttle berrfore".

Was it those guys that were hating us again? Or was it a new guy that was hating us? Or was it the loss of support, funds, and good pilots for our space team? We will never give a care.

Hit and run conflict

In the parking lot of a Pub Licks, a robot accidently ran over a shopper, then backed up, ran him over again, backed up once more, ran over him again, and then his car's engine blew. As the driver tried to leave, the car exploded, destroying both robots.

It seems that the robot's interior parts got stuck in the engine, causing it to explode. It also seems that the driver ran over the shopper because he had a screwdriver, which is illegal to have everywhere but Robotside. The driver was simply scared that the screwdriver might just be illegal, and he did not want the robot to go to jail.

This belief is obviously not confirmed, since the guy driving the car is dead. There is also no confirmation that the shopper was carrying a screwdriver, since the things he bought were completely destroyed. Police are NOT looking for more information.

Some guy sells a cantaloupe

Today some guy sold a cantaloupe.

Idiot gets stuck in wall

While building a house, some guy stuck his head through an unfinished, unstable window. Obviously, something stupid would happen to this stupid person. As the top of the window crushed his neck he exploded his head in desperation, or something senseless like that.

"I tried to stop him," Said the destroyed robot's voicebox. "But he was obviously too interested in being in harm's way." The robot was NOT escorted to the hospital and was NOT given any medical attention. Actually, he didn't get any attention until now.

The top of the window has been handcuffed and it's fate will be decided on Saturday by a blender and a rubber band ball.

Police Station Break-In

A few hours ago, a few evil people broke into the police station. As the policemen were busy gaining 13 and 1/2 pounds, the evil people stole the keys to all the police cars PLUS a trashcan. The policemen were very surprised about what had happened. "I'm still hungry." Said Officer Fatty McFatfat.

McFatfat believes that there were napkins, moldy donut remains, and donut boxes in the wastebasket. If you see anyone with these things, please call the authorities. There is no knowledge to if the evil people have stolen the police cars yet. Authorities say "Get outta here."

Looks like Robotside needs new policemen. They'll take any old loser for a dozen of donuts an hour.

NUCLEAR MARSHMALLOW BOMBING

It seems that somebody hates us. Somewhere. Some freak dropped a nuclear marshmallow on a house in Robotside! It tastes awful and we don't get a refund! It also landed on a nearby defenseless tree! Nobody knows who lived in the house or why someone would be in one of those things.

"Ah trad tah tahst it cahs it luhked sah guhd!" said a nearby resident after he burned off his tounge from the nuclear waste. He was really looking forward to not getting his tounge burned off, but unfortunately the nuclear waste had other plans.

As some residents came to see what the heck was going on, some idiots decided to ride their bikes straight into marshmallow, and then they got stuck. As people came to help them they decided to go to the carnival instead.

Be on the lookout for any strange things falling out of the sky this weekend. And I might decide to come to your house and throw eggs at you.

Pie-filled body found in well

As some dope walked up to a well earlier this morning to donate a nickel to whoever the heck thought having a well was a good idea, the dope tripped on his other foot and smashed his face into the well, stumbling into it. A guy watching this funny incident yelled "I hope you find a dead body filled with cupcakes down there!", but unfortunately the body was filled with pie of the cherry sort.

The dope who fell in screamed for help as some helpful citizens rescued the pie-filled dead body from the well. As the dope screamed his gratitute of "HELP ME YOU RETARDS!" the authorities came and had some delicious pie!

We must remind you AGAIN today not to fill any dead bodies you see lying around with pie. Instead they should be cleaned, disposed of, and you shouldn't tell us about it cuz we'd rather be payed for nothing. But, as the authorities said... "This is some pretty dang good pie!!!"

Police catches the "Crap-On-Doorstep" bandit!

Every so often the residents of Robotside have been recieving crap all over their doorstep. Like, everywhere. Some of us are getting pretty PO'd, so we decided to actually do something about it!

The Police put up signs showing where to go to get to the police department. At the bottom the wrote: "WE HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE CRAP ON OUR DOORSTEP!!!" The bandit realized this was the perfect place to leave crap on a doorstep.

Early this morning the C-O-D bandit was found attempting to leave crap on the PD's doorstep. He was put in handcuffs and will be exploded tomorrow afternoon.

Weather update

Somebody threw an ice cream in my facial area. Be aware of this. Our satelitte thingy says that it's gonna be partially cloudy with a chance of DOOM!!! this afternoon and this evening expect me to dress up as the grim reaper and make it snow. Yeah there's like a 4% chance of that.

The """"scoop"""" on Derrik's Donuts

You love Derrik's Donuts. I mean, you cannot get donuts anywhere else! And they're so stupid, you have to buy another half of one! You know what I'm talking about. Well, our spy reporter has just gotten word that these donuts are...

DELICIOUS!!!

As the police rushes to the scene of Derrik's Donuts, they plan on buying a few more dozens to make sure that they gain about 13 and 1/2 more pounds. Let's hope that they get the job done.

SUP FOOs!!!

After alots of years us people (Robert and Mikey) decides to makin ourselves sum news!!! So let's send a hamburger to all those people who don't live here! (INSERT: BOOOOO!!!) Now let's get down to the weather!!!

Or not. It's probably gonna be good enough for us not to care. I just hope everyone doesn't die from that hurricane that's about to pass through.

Just so you know who we are...

Mikey's the one on the left getting a concussion and Robert's the one giving Mikey the concussion... WITH OUR NEWSPAPER!!! (Which is cool)

So you'll want to check up on us for up-to-whenever information!!!