World's Largest Projectile for World's Smallest Rocket Launcher

Yeah. Somebody finally beat the other guy that originally held that record, and he did it in a SEVERE CASE OF STYLE. John "Squaring Off With a Porcupine" McSomething, one of Robotside's most famous unpopular Scienceintologist, finally got around to doing one of the least important jobs for a Scienceintologist to do.

Squaring Off With a Porcupine, 41, wanted to leave a mark on the world before he died in an accident predicted 30 years ago that would happen on his 42nd birthday. The task would be mindnumbing, as all "leavin' my mark on that there world" tasks are. John McSomething did what the title of the story said he did, and he died peacefully three days later with his mark on that there world.

The criminal who predicted this guy's death seemed to be a few months off with his prediction, and he is wanted with a BIG DOLLAR reward. If you've seen or given spare change to whoever this guy is, please turn yourself into the authorities with your magical powers.

Fladderstanineer Does It Again

Bob Fladderstanineer, reported in a story about something a few many months ago, has decided he wasn't popular enough to only be reported once about something really bad in this newspaper, decided to become popular enough to be reported again. What a great idea, if I do say so myself. But who cares what I have to say, I just write the newspaper.

Fladderstanineer took his helicopter to the lake and crashed into it. That basically means he landed in the water, since you can't really crash into water, not like a wall anyways. And you know what? That guy gets a better idea and crashes the thing into a wall. But that couldn't stop him. He then stole some other guy's helicopter and dramatically crashed it into the Blinternational Blank of Blutter, just like everyone else in the world fantasizes about their death being like.

This guy died, as you can hopefully tell. He didn't get a funeral or major TV attention since he didn't have a family, any friends, any enemies, and the fact that he did not kill anyone except himself (And those Blutter people, who we care about as equally as this guy.), so we're just going to end this story at that.

Multiple Attacks Around The City Limits

Normally, no one would give a poop's crap about stuff happening around the city limits, however it seems that something is injuring citizens that live inside the city limits who wind up outside said city limits.

And when we say injuring, we mean nothing whatsoever!

Actually, some people have been venturing outside our awesome city and, when they return, appear to have had much more money then when they had left. This has puzzled our most brilliant know-it-alls, which is odd and really destroying their titles as know-it-alls.

"I went out there, and I stole that one guy's bank," said one of the poor people who wound up taking part in this occurance. "It was big. Don't tell no one."

The other people didn't want to say anything.

Radio Station Accidently Angers People

After a recent problem with rap problems with robots, a radio station in our town that we live in decided to play a song that was down with it's bad self. The response was negative, and the sounds were quickly sent to a nearby planet.

"Those are one things that we will not never not miss." Said the Mayor, on a recording tape we found when searching his office. These are the words of a strong, knowledgeabiltabaleable mayor that we need to rebuild our city after hearing such music. One day, we hope, someone will see his face.

Back to the story I don't enjoy writing about. The radio station, who doesn't want to reveal his name, was fired by his boss Bob Hajiglije later that day. It took to long, somebody should have shot that radio station before it had a chance to do anything stupid in the first place. "The radio station was immature in doing what it did", said Mr. Hajiglije. "I fired that radio station. I am the man."

That's all we got.